Bella and the Vampires
by Robzi
Summary: Edward left Bella...AGAIN! Find out how she's dealing with it and laugh at her pathetic attempt of suicide! I hope you enjoy this ;
1. Chapter 1 Back Home

I was trying to get to Edward's house as fast as I could.But I already had a feeling it was to late.He left.Again.I was reading his letter over and over again in my mind.

_Dear Bella!_

_I love you so much.But I have to say something that I say to you every freakin' day because I don't have actual personality_

_I'M DANGEROUS!_

_I'm sorry Bella.I am going to Transilvania where I can rape village women that don't have any emotional issues like you do._

_OK CYA! I'll be back in a year and then we will have this same conversation all over again._

_LUV YOU! Edward_

How could he do this to me. Again. After all those years.How long was it?Six years. It's almost as long as high school.I have to get him back.I have to make him stay with me forever so we can have vampire babies and grow old together.Well...so I can grow old...together...or whatever.

I finally arrived at his house.It was empty.They left.There was a note on front door waiting for me.I read it.

_DEAR BELLA.FEED THE CAT._

''They have a cat?'' I asked myself as I looked around searching for any sign of life.I threw the note on the floor stomped on it a bit and started walking home.

While I was trying to catch my breath while after a long walk home I asked myself:''Why didn't I take the car?''

I opened the front door.''Bells,is that you?'' I heard Charlie's familiar voice.I looked at his chair and there he was.Making out with Billy.Jakob was sitting across them taking notes,his eyes wide open.

''Hey Bella!'' Billy said when he got his head out of Charlie's mouth.'''How was school?'' He asked.

''Aren't you dead or something?'' I said ''And I don't have school.It's summer.''

''Yeah whatever you little crackwhore!'' He said and attacked Charlie again.

I ran up the stairs,got into my room and slammed the door.I started doing my homework because I have to be a roll model to every little goth bitch that's reading this crap and make them believe if they do their homework they will meet a sexy vampire and get married to him.

Months past and another school year began.After seven years you really get to meet your classmates.Even though I'm still wondering _Why am I going to high school for seven years?_

Jessica was bitching about her summer and Mike was horny as hell so I had to take a LOOONG bathroom break with him.But it's OK! I got money for that.And some crack.

I got out of the bathroom counting money.''Thanks Mikey!'' I shouted.

''No prob!'' I heard Mike's stoned voice.I was so distracted with counting money that I didn't notice a dark figure coming my way.But because I'm so perfectly stupid I'm going to bump him and it will open a whole new storyline for the next chapter.

Don't change that channel because BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLA... I mean TWILIGHT is coming right back!


	2. Chapter 2 You Smell

So...where was I ?

Oh...right!

I was walking down the hall counting money...when soddenly...I bumped into someone,

''Oh,sorry!'' I muttered while trying to get up.Money was all over the place.I picked it up and looked at the strange person I bumped into!

''Hi.'' He said.He was old and fat.I remember seeing him a round.He is a janitor or something.''Do you know who Bella Swan is?''

I looked at him again when he said my name.

''I am!'' I whispered because I'm so shy although everyone adores me.

''This letter came!It's for you!'' He told me in his old,dusty voice and handed me a small,white envelope.

''Thanks!'' I said and kept on walking down the hall.

I opened the letter and started reading it.

_Dear Bella.I am very sorry for leaving you. BUT I'M DANGEROUS!_

_I want to come back,but I can't! Your smell makes me want to eat you!_

_I love you Bella.But not that much!_

Why would he do that?Why would he write me a letter.Now that we have e.mails? I put the letter into my pocket and went home completely ignoring the fact that I just got to school.

When I got home I ran into my room and turned on my computer.I started writing him a message!

_Edward!_

_I know you are afraid of hurting me but you have to tel me what can I do to make you stay with me.To make the smell disappear!_

I sent a message to his laptop.Funny,I didn't know he had a laptop.I got of the chair and jumped on my bed.I lied there for few minutes and then I heard it.A signal that I received a message.I saw Edwards name and opened the message.

_Try showering!_

What!

Just that!Tell me something I don't know ! Nobody gets this kind of shit from their boyfriend.Not even Stephenie Meyer.And she masturbates to her own books.

So I made a decision.I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!

OMG...I just made a decision all on my own!

But,I have to do it soon.Before Charlie comes home.(Isn't it cool that I'm calling my father by his first name.I'm so rebellious).ANYWAY!

I have to do it soon.My time is running out! And this is totally not a reference to a song by Stephenie's favorite band MUSE!

Check out their new CD/DVD live package H.A.A.R.P. In stores April 1,2008. Wait...did that happen already?

**Don't change that channel because Anita Blake rip off is comming right back! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 The Edge

I was running through the forest...AGAIN!

Is it just me or am I always running or walking and shit.I could go on for pages explaining my footsteps and describing the trees and the sky and that FUNNY feeling when I think of Edward that makes me wanna...makes me wanna...

ANYWAY

I was running,and running,and running,running,running,running,running,

running,running,running,running,running,running...

Then I finally got to the cliff.I looked at the blue see that was spreading infront of me.It was calm and peaceful.I looked it for a few minutes and finaly decided I will jump.

''Don't do it!'' Soft voice whispered behind me.It was Alice.Edward perfect little cocktease...I mean sister!She had a perfect face pale as Edwards and perfect like perfectly perfect perfection!

She walked like a ballerina...WITH A BROKEN FOOT!

''Don't kill yourself!'' She said again ''Yet!''

'''How did you...'' I smiled ''That's right.You can predict future.''

''No! It's just that your so predictable it's impossible.''

''Oh!''

''And you smell nice!'' She added.

I smiled and walked to her.I wasn't sure about killing myself anymore.That sucks bad!

When I came close to her I saw she wasn't alone.Other Cullens were with her.That slut Rosalie and Emmett were with her!

''Emmett crush.Emmett smash!'' Emmett said in his dumb,retarded Russian voice.And...he isn't even Russian!

''Zip it!'' Rosalie Shouted and slapped Emmett. ''We are this close to going back to Transylvania.''

Emmett started hitting himself on the head!''No,no,no,no!''

''Then be a good boy and go back to your cage!'' Rosalie said and hit him in the ass with her foot when he started walking.

''Anyway!'' Alice interrupted .''We got a surprise for you!''She moved to the left.

Then I saw it.A tall figure in the shadow.Squirrel still twitching in his mouth,blood in his eyes.He was perfect.MY ROMEO...I MEAN EDWARD!

''Walk with me!'' He said in his perfectly perfect chocolate fudge,sugar on top voice.I obeyed him as I always do!I was happy again.But that didn't last for long.

Billy and his werebitch Jacob were approaching us!

TRAGIC!

**Don't go anyway! Bella could still die! FINGERS CROSSED!**

**Twilight by J.K. Rowli...Stephenie Meyer will be right back!**


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